Category Archives: Q&A

I have all the answers.


Q. Can a writer date a dyslexic?

Me:  That place sounds nice.
Him:  but its quite
Me:  Quite what?
Him:  ah.. miss spelling. quit. wait.. maybe in wrong … as in not a lot of sound.
Me:  Quiet?
Him:  yes

A. No.


Kiss the Cook

“Subway Philosophy! What’s for dinner?”

–G, the interweb

Hi G,

Well, I usually order sushi. So I think you mean: what do I make for dinner when I’m broke and sick of spaghetti? I do dinner in two steps. That’s it.

Step one: I buy a piece of meat or fish and prepare it as simply as possible. I’ll broil a piece of salmon with lemon, saute a chicken breast in some white wine and a pile of herbs, or grill up a small steak. That’s it. As long as your meat is fresh, don’t go crazy with it. Let the protein do the talking.

Step two: I make easy sides. And that’s the trick — keep away from the boxed flavored rice or the canned vegetables. Forget about frozen french fries. Here are my favorite side dishes I whip up that are fast, delicious, and–best of all–super cheap.

Soy Glazed Snow Peas

I stole this idea from my favorite restaurant after I found a huge container of snow peas in my expensive NYC grocery store for two bucks. That’s damn cheap. Throw a some soy sauce in a skillet. I’m broke, so I just hoard the packets from my sushi delivery. True story. Add a glob of honey, and let it cook for a few minutes and get all thick. Add some minced garlic if you have any. Toss in the snowpeas and coat. Cook them for about two or three minutes, so they’re still crisp, and add some cracked pepper.

Parmesan Parsley Rice

I love carbs, but I’m over the boxes of rice with the seasoning packets. They’re so salty and taste processed. So here’s what to do: Boil some white rice. If you don’t know how to make rice, just make it like pasta– boil water, add rice, taste, drain when it’s done. My mom taught me that. Okay, return the rice to the pot. Add butter or margarine, loads of grated parmesan, lots of parsley (fresh chopped is better, but dried works, too), and some pepper to taste. Stir like crazy. This is my guilty pleasure.

Rosemary Potatoes

Frozen french fries are gross, and baked potatoes are boring. So cut some red potatoes into thick rounds. Throw them in a skillet with some oil and garlic powder and heat them on a medium-low flame. It’ll take some time to cook through. When they’re close, add fresh chopped rosemary (fresh really works best for this, but again, you can use dried if you need to), salt and pepper. These are like french fries if french fries were healthy and tasted herby and fresh.

Lemon Asparagus

Put asparagus in a pan with the juice of one lemon and some of the zest. Add a tablespoon of butter, and some white wine if you have any lying around (I always do). Also really tasty with a diced up shallot or onion. Cook on medium heat until tender but still crisp.

Garlic Green Beans

Throw fresh green beans, some olive oil, and loads of minced garlic over heat until tender and crisp. I don’t think it can get any easier or cheaper than this recipe. This is like cooking for idiots.

Fresh Dressed Salad

Buy some fancy lettuce. I like butter lettuce, but get whatever non-iceberg greens you like. Put in whatever you want in your salad, or just go plain and stick with the lettuce. Grab a bowl and pour in some oil, some white vinegar, salt and pepper, all spice, and parsley. Toss it in your lettuce and revel in your healthy, preservative-free green eats.

Mashed Potatoes

I love mashed potatoes more than anything else in the world. Quarter a few Yukon Gold potatoes and boil them until they’re falling apart. Drain them well and throw them back in the pot. Get out your masher — or even better, your blender. Add a little 2% milk and more melted butter than you could ever imagine needing. And I don’t like sour cream in general, but a few spoonfuls of the stuff will really make your mashed potatoes super creamy. Add a lot of salt and cracked black pepper and white pepper if you have any to add a soft kick. Mash like a psychopath. At this point, you can also flavor them with truffle oil, or pesto, or cheese. Me? I just like them plain and buttery.

Suffer the Living

“Is it better to be intelligent and aware of your own mortality or blissfully ignorant and believe you’ll live forever?”
–J, the interweb

Dear J,

This questions runs in the same vein as the age-old is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? I don’t know. It depends how much you like to suffer. However, I will posit that most of us of sound mind know we will die. At least, when asked, we will respond truthfully with that answer. It is dangerous to confuse consciousness with intelligence.

Thanks for writing,

Got a question for the subway philosopher? Send it to

Career, Career, Korea

“Should I stay at my current job, which is stable, but not really letting me grow, or take the leap to a consulting job, which is less stable but potentially more money and professional growth? Should I stay or should I go? Also, I’m tall.”
–C, New Jersey

Dear C,

I think you should write out a list of all your expenses, your debt, your salary, and any other number you can think of. Send it off to Suze Orman and let me know how it goes. She is hip to the chaos of the disaster known as the current national economy. I am just a drunken girl on the subway with her own secret blog.

(And I love that you’re tall. And I love puns. That alone tells me you need a new job as a basketball playing greeting card writer. So, you see? You’re better off with Suze.)

Thanks for writing,

Got a question for the subway philosopher? Send it to

I Do

“Will you marry me?”
–J, Rhode Island

Dear J,

My feelings on marriage are luke-warm at best. Too often human beings rush into commitment ceremonies of all shapes and forms to declare their undying love for one another. Why? Tradition. Sex. The gifts. The tax break. You know, the foremost reason, absolute fear of being alone. This way they can seal the deal and rest easy knowing that someone loves them, for certain, legally. Hallelujah, you may kiss the bride, amen.

And the next thing you know, they grow bored, become agitated, cheat, lie, fight, divorce. And you hear the same old thing, that marriage is work, that any good relationship takes effort to keep going, that it’s not one long (excuse my flagrant use of the word) honeymoon.

Now, I am not opposed to marriage. I think it’s a lovely thing. I think love, when done correctly, can be magical and enlightening and truly worth the song-writing heard on most adult contemporary radio stations. But I think most couples I meet, married are not, do not belong together. I think people often don’t give themselves enough credit. I think there is nothing more heart-breaking than the sound of settling.

So the short answer is no. I will not marry you. And if you met me, you would probably not want to marry me either (I stretch out and take up the entire bed).

Thanks for writing,

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The Question and Answer Section Has Officially Opened

“I am a student who is weighing grad school offers…..basically my decision is coming down to the opportunity to study in Manhattan or to be in Philly…… What I want to find out is what brought you to NYC, what kept you here and what you enjoy doing in NYC….I had a great time visiting and really am enamored with the possibility of living in NYC.”
–M, San Francisco

Dear M,

Please don’t. The last thing New York needs is more of you people.

Yeah, you know who you are. You’re the same type who goes on a date with someone that they’re eh about. Oh, they were okay. They were alright. Maybe I’ll go out with them again, you know, to see if there’s more chemistry.

Let me tell you bitches something:

New York is not something you debate. Hell, if a man told me he might want to be with me, I would tell him he might need to get the hell out. New York is a hot, passionate piece of ass. And if you have luke-warm feelings, you can take them straight to bland-ass Philly.

Thanks for writing,

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