I will never not love McSweeney’s. Here’s another excerpt why:
INDEX CARDS THAT
GET ME THROUGH
A NORMAL DAY.
So, you didn’t get a seat on the subway. There’s no reason to cry, little dude! Look around! You see all those beautiful people standing? You’re one of them! Look how tall you seem next to those seated around you! Why don’t you tuck your blanket into your bag now, OK? It’s OK to have a security blanket, but let’s pull it out only when we really need it, all right? There you go, bud! Just think, the next time you get a seat on the subway, it’s gonna be awesome!
(read this short in is entirety at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency)