Butt Dreams May Come

I’m out with Darren when the subject takes a downwards turn. Downwards meaning butt sex, which I refuse to participate in. We discuss his do’s and my wont’s when we hear a cough. We look over at the guy next to me, who is shaking his head.

“Well?” I ask over the round of vodkas, “What do you think — and why are you laughing?”

“First of all, you are doing it wrong,” he says.

“Excuse me?” Darren half-laughs.

“It’s not butt sex. It’s anal sex. And it’s not like guys like me do it all the time. It’s the sort of sex we have with a girl on a Saturday night when we’re shit faced on drugs and in the mood to go wild.”

“Go wild in the butt?” I ask.

“Sure, ha, whatever. If I’m on enough drugs, then yeah.”

“I don’t know,” I say, and take a big gulp of my vodka. “My vagina could get shot off in the war and I’d still say no to putting a dick in my ass.”

“What about drugs? What about a lot of drugs.”

I think about this for a moment. “Fine. But you would have to rim my asshole in a lot of coke beforehand.”


2 responses to “Butt Dreams May Come

  1. Let’s make it very clear: YOU brought up butt sex last night. Repeatedly.

    Also, I couldn’t be more proud to be a part of this post.


    I love to make anal sex with a beautiful girl. But with no drugs. No violence. With love.
    Today I am apart of my woman. Now she’s ex.
    And someway I’ll find another woman to love, that loves anal sex.

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