If I ever wrote a memoir, it would be titled Stainless Steel Won’t Spoon You Back because I’m a drunk who often falls asleep with a pot of macaroni and cheese and wakes up spooning it under the covers.

If I ever wrote a book of poetry, it would be titled Recent Romantic Catastrophes: Wordy Crap About the Last Guy I Fucked.

My novel is still untitled.


5 responses to “Untitled

  1. I really like the poetry book title. I’d even drop the first part and just leave it as Wordy Crap About the Last Guy I Fucked. Damn good title. Maybe even better than Another Bullshit Night in Suck City by Nick Flynn.

  2. Yes, except that book was heavily praised and my reviews would read like this:

    “Oh my lord this book sucked.”
    –Michiko Kakutani

    “There’s bad, and then there’s this poetry.”
    –Janet Maslin

    –Leo Carey

    “I no longer write book reviews.”
    –Sam Tanenhaus

  3. Oh ha! This is fun! It’s like The Onion’s American Voices, sort of…

    “We are all now dumber for having to review this book.” – Salman Rushdie

    “I’m changing my major from Poetry to Accounting, as you have ruined the form for me forever.” – random college student

    “It’s reminiscent of the Vogon poetry in Hitchhiker’s Guide, but worse. Much worse.”
    – Douglas Adams (RIP)

    *slits wrists*
    “NO MAS!”
    – Poetry Workshop Professor at Breadloaf

    sorry… ;)
    I hope you know I have my own stuff in mind as I write these more than yours… haven’t read any of yours I don’t think.
    In all seriousness, if your poetry is half as good as your prose, you’ll never get reviews like this.

  4. “This book is so good, I think I’ll kill myself.”

    just a little big of positivity.

  5. I love your work!

    John J. Rigo
    McKinney, Texas
    Winner of the Collin County Poetry Award

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