Enough with the engagements.
Please stop proposing to your current girlfriends. I know our history has since gone, well, historic, but please, not all of you this month. Not the whole lot.
It’s July. Think of the summer. Think of the hormones. Think of your past red-head flame inscenced by the fact that she has slept with yet another friend while you’ve bought a diamond for your new rosy-cheeked doll.
I’m thrilled for your eternal happiness, really, I am. But perhaps we can divvy these announcements out over a calendar year? Maybe allow me some time to get used to the fact that you’ve all grown up? That you’ve all dropped to one knee?
It’s July! –think of the summer! Think of the bathing suits and sweat and tanned marble spines. At least think of the sweat, will you?