Barefoot in the Park


I seriously hate shoes. First of all, they never fit. If they fit in the store they are guaranteed not to fit on the street. Also, New York City eats up shoes and spits them out like cowboys and toothpicks. They’re expensive. They’re uncomfortable. They get ruined in the rain. They slide inconveniently and often painfully over snow.

Face it: Shoes suck. And if I had my way, I would walk barefoot all over the city, from the Upper East Side to Hells Kitchen and back. Bunions and diseases and dirty needles be damned

For further facts on feet, check out, a site that umm, tries to prove that standing in pee in the bathroom is a-okay, but also has the facts on driving barefoot (legal!) and the no shirt, no shoes, no service signs (bullshit!) you see in restaurants.

Funny, you don’t normally hear many warnings about feet in New York. I wish someone had held up a sign for me that time I decided to waltz down 137th and Broadway barefoot. My feet were fine, but the crackheads really perked up.


One response to “Barefoot in the Park

  1. Crackheads would be a good indicator of places where shoes might come in handy.

    But you’re right, evolution is smarter than us; no shoe is going to improve on the foot. I’m afraid scientists might start monkeying with our chromosomes to “improve on people.”

    I’ve long noticed that I walk differently when barefoot – flatter, sometimes almost tiptoe. If you compare the human leg to other animals’, it’s not so different: they seem to tread more on the “balls of their feet,” or what would correspond.

    The only real reason shoes would be necessary is that they protect feet from nasty pointy things etc. You might have seen (and groaned at) the story that police dogs in Duesseldorf are being issued little booties now:

    You’ve got to admit, though, they do look kinda cute.

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