No Butts About It

“I met his family today. Oh, and I also had butt sex. Shut up. It wasn’t gross, it just didn’t feel right. Well, I felt fascinated — like I wanted him to stop but also not to. I was also so drunk and had just thrown up a few times. And want to hear the grossest part? I got my period today, but at first I was like, ‘Ahhhh! My butt is bleeding!’ I was so confused. It took me 5 minutes to be like, ‘Ooooh’.”

——–

Dear all female friends of mine,

I do not and will never approve of you having butt sex. That shit is gross. For real. From what you’ve all told me, it hurts like a bitch and feels awful. What a shocker. The only positive aspect I can admit is that the conversation is frought with puns. But that is not reason enough to have a dick up your ass.

Gays: carry on.

Love,
SP

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6 responses to “No Butts About It

  1. Ow, my butt hurts.

  2. I have had all kinds of sex with all kinds of females. But I have never gone into their butts.

    This is actually the worst thing about having a small penis. Forget the giggles and unforgiving size queens, thing I can’t stand is women asking me to go through the back door because they think I’m rightly sized for the job. I’ll do anything, really, but that part of the body is an exit, not an entry.

  3. shoving cocks up asses is just sick!
    now, releasing hungry eels up a girl’s ass, that’s classic romance!

  4. Pingback: Butt, Butt, Butt… « Subway Philosophy

  5. Pingback: Butt Dreams Will Come « Subway Philosophy

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