How to meet a [smart] man in New York City.

Bring your copy of Infinite Jest to the bar near your apartment. Order a scotch and soda and sip it slowly. When a man approaches to ask about the size of the book, ignore him. Keep reading. When a second man offers to buy you a drink, politely decline. Go back to your book. When a third man in Woody Allen frames asks what you think about the postmodern use of footnotes, and if Junot Díaz used the conceit as effectively as DFW, use a napkin as a bookmark, invite him out for falafel in the park, and make plans to watch Fellini as soon as possible.