Just to re-cap: I am on a probably-short indefinite hiatus from dating. The last forty-something posts all but flat out say how defiantly single I am. I find most relationships sad excuses for comfort.
When you get to New York City, you either sink or swim. I think most of my friends in relationships are just holding onto each other and treading water.
So I was caught off guard last night as I ate dinner with my friend and her boyfriend. They were incredibly cute and happy together. He picked at her salad and smoothed back her hair. She smiled into his eyes and they glowed at each other. They were beautiful, and it made me sad. They made me cringe. I couldn’t help but remember how cute and happy a boy used to make me feel, or how lovely we were holding hands as we walked down the street oblivious to the passerbys.
This is not to say that I am not cute or happy. I am still cute and happy. But hardened and aggressive and forcing myself to return home that night for a good, long sleep, refusing to call any of the boys back that night.
For now, I’d like to just keep swimming. Maybe next year someone can tread water with me.
